Your Mind's In Disturbia

The Cab's cover of Disturbia.. Can't get it out of my head.

Random annoyances
- J's mom inviting themselves over to see our apartment.
- A girl at work, who is a senior rep does less work than I do and gets paid more. And I don't mean slightly less work. I did 4 as many cases as she did yesterday. Just saying.

So back to job hunting. I really wish J would help without me nagging. I know he has a decent job and makes 2x what I make, but I am miserable. This job is a waste of time to me. There is nothing for me in this city and we need to go elsewhere.

J is making lasagna tonight and we are having a little dinner party. That should be fun.

Glimmers of Hope

We talked about what I said in my last entry last night. Things are looking up a little bit.

I am lucky to have someone so calm to ease my anxiety.

However, wayy to tired to work out this morning. How much do you think I can lose by late July? Hmm.

Idling By..

The past few times we have seen J's family, they have made several comments saying that he is fat. That is completely rude and messed up to say to anyone, especially your children/grandchildren/family. Even if he was fat (which he isn't at all), that is not something you say to someone. I don't know what else I can do except continue to reassure him that he is NOT fat and is sexy, handsome, and perfect the way he is. Honestly, I don't know if he is as hurt as I am over it, but I really might have to say something next time.

Lately, I feel like I am wasting time. This town does not feel like home. I do not like my job, and do not see any potential for the long-term. J promised we would not end up here permanently, but I am starting to really need a time frame. 1 year? 2? 5? I am having anxiety attacks over it. I am working in a job not related to my field until we can move somewhere with more opportunity. I have several possibilities in mind. I just feel like this, right now, is the time for us to be experimenting, traveling around, finding the place we belong, and we are wasting it, and soon we will be stuck here. I will be 26 soon and it is all really starting to hit me.

There is also the fact that his entire family is minutes away. They are nice for the most part (besides the issue above and the passive-aggressive/coddling tendencies), but I can only go to so many dinners/birthdays/events. I have seen how his parents are around his brothers baby, and I cannot fathom being anywhere near here with kids. His mother still coddles him. She calls him to remind him to call people on their birthdays. He is 24 years old. I think he knows when his brother's birthday is and no longer needs a reminder.

On a happy note, my friend L is getting so much better. I sent her flowers that delivered today. Hopefully, once she is fully recovered, we can take a vacation together.

My New Running Shoes Are Still In The Box

J & I went to the eye doctor yesterday. I'm so grateful that we have insurance. It would have been the difference between like $750 and $280. I got an exam, 6 boxes of contacts, and new glasses. The eye doctor is the only doctor I do not loathe going to. The dentist is horrible to me. The noises, the tools, the sounds, the pain, etc. UGH. Everyone at the eye place we went to was extremely friendly and nice.

Afterwards, we were both still dilated and just had a "blah" feeling so we didn't do much afterwards. Stopped in at Old Navy since it's right next door, but it was so crowded, I couldn't deal with it. We just went home, relaxed and watched a couple of movies (Just One of the Guys & Charade)

Things I really should do today:

• Put all of these clothes away (one of my least favorite things to do ever). We are really close to being unpacked, and this is one of the main things in the way of that.
• Speaking of unpacking... try to unpack the rest of this stuff.
• I have a hair appointment at 1. I do not like getting my hair highlighted because it takes so long. I am too antsy to sit there for 2 hours. Not looking forward to that.
• Take my new sneakers out of the box. Maybe it will make me actually try working out this week... I really envy those naturally skinny people.

For me, I just hate working out. I don't get a "good feeling" afterwards, I just feel achy and tired in a not good way, and I'm impatient and want results right away. But I also hate what I weigh/how I look right now. It's become hard to force myself to do anything. We only have a little gym at our apartment complex, and I'm not about to pay for a membership anywhere considering I don't like working out in front of people. So that leaves workout DVD's, doing ~active~ things outside, or hoping no one is at the apartment complex gym for 45 minutes. I was thinking of maybe getting a bicycle. Maybe J & I can get into something like that? I don't know. 

First Real Post

Okay. New blog. I think I finally have the layout pretty much how I want it. I have a thing for polka dots.

Now what? I guess I'll just dive right into it. I was up at 2am yesterday morning. Great idea since I had two meetings and the other girl on my team was not going to be there. For being exhausted and having 2 extra hours away from my desk, I was amazingly productive. It's been slow lately, so I have been doing 30-40ish cases per day. Yesterday, I did like 60.

The meetings were fine. I am grateful to have a boss that sees that I do not want to be in my department longer than necessary, and that I do a good job & am sometimes overlooked.

Then again, I don't particularly want to be in this city longer than necessary either. But where should I go? I have no idea where I want to end up any more, but I know there have to be better places than here.

Lalalala

This is me testing this thing so I can adjust the formatting.